Slow News For Slow People

I know I give the Press Democrap a hard time alot….But can you blame me when shit like this happens? Front page news about some chick who kissed Simon Cowell when they were 9 years old….WOW she lives in Petaluma….I can already see the writers huddle dialogue:

“Ok guys this is our BIG CHANCE at nationwide exposure. Douchebag 1, you take Douchebag 2 with you and try to FIND this broad in Petaluma….This could be the big one people…”

There’s nothing wrong with stories every now and then that are of a humorous nature. But when you continue to cover that “story” for multiple days, then you become a half assed gossip rag.

It’s bad enough that Chris Smith thinks he’s like the poor man’s Garrison Keillor and ATTEMPTS to write in a romanticizing way about “Gool Ol Shanta Rosha”. Now we got the rest of the staff wanting to be TMZ reporters.

Meh….Anywho, happy Friday!

Hey D-Bags…It’s NOT ELVIS

Yesterday there was a big ceremony at the Charles M. Schulz airport for the new flights from Santa Rosa to Las Vegas. Personally, I think it’s GREAT. Although the plane that Horizon is flying looks like it was built by the Wright Brothers.

Gotta love the “in depth coverage” that the PD provided. Including 10 pictures ALL of a fake Elvis (as if that’s really necessary) in various poses. The guy isn’t a celebrity folks. He’s one of 5,000 impersonators from LV and far from the best judging by the pics. Don’t get TOO starstruck!

The Kids Are Alright

Wow score one for the youth of today eh? A bunch of teenagers have now persuaded the Hippy Commune er, I mean City Council of Sebastopol to reconsider the FREE Wifi offered by Sonic Net. They pointed out that their city is already the butt of many jokes around the country and to quote: “Do we really want a reputation as the tin-foil-hat-carrying city of Sebastopol? I don’t.”

To the parents of these brave kids, I give a warning: Watch your cars for key marks!

Did YEWWW Feel It?

Yeah so there was a 2.9 scale earthquake last night and it was near where I live. Of course, the Press Democrat made an article asking “Did YOU Feel It?”. Gimme a fuckin’ BREAK. The responses are hilarious because the people act like half assed reporters. And I’m sure it was the big talk of the morning on KZST. “Call in and tell us what YEWWW felt”. Happens every time after an earthquake no matter WHAT the magnitude.

Typical caller: ” Uhm yes, I live in Oakmont and I was eating lunch at 5:20am when ‘it’ hit….My wife Gertrude and I were ASTOUNDED and had to calm our 8 cats during the aftermath”.

Ahhh Sew Kew…I love to hate ya sometimes!

On a side note, I apologize for the lack of updates this past week. Back on the ball now so stay tuned!

Si Se Puede…

I’m all for immigrants. Hell, I live in Sonoma County…A place that wouldn’t EXIST without the hard working people that make it thrive. But I also am “all for” some other things.

When my grandmother was born here in the U.S., her mother (an Italian immigrant) went out of her way to learn English. She may not have been a pro, but she understood that was the lay of the land. When my grandmother was at school she spoke English, and at home spoke both Italian and English. They didn’t have any resources available (like English classes that are offered for free now) but they still made the effort. Is that too much to ask? Why should public servants have to learn 2 languages and why should people who ARE bilingual get paid more than someone who just speaks English? If I moved to Germany I would assume that I would have to learn German…Plain and simple.

The argument that “California used to be part of Mexico” is SUCH a cop out. Yes, lands were conquered and boundaries were changed, but shit happens. Fact is, countries and continents were made what they are through war and bloodshed. We can’t change history. And no one who is alive today was part of this “Old Mexico”. Since the U.S. was pillaged from the Native Americans, should we all start speaking THEIR language? Get over it already. I don’t see people whose homeland was taken over by the Romans hundreds of years ago trying to get reparations now. They moved on and so should we.

The other issue is health care. In some areas, over 50% of people going to hospital emergency rooms are uninsured. Since hospitals are forbidden to turn patients away, every child who is born to an illegal immigrant gets paid for by us…The tax payer. When my grandmother was recently hospitalized, her bill was for over $60,000 and it was less than a week long stay. Luckily her insurance covered it. But health care costs are what they are because of the uninsured that the hospitals MUST treat. However, there are also many others of different nationalities that pop out kids like it’s a fuckin’ contest, so I’m not placing sole blame on the immigrant population.

I was born and raised in Roseland. And from my experience, the majority of immigrants who lived in my neighborhood were hard working, honest people. Most just want a better life for their families and I can’t blame them. But there needs to be some SERIOUS reform to immigration policy. Otherwise we’re screwed. I don’t have a solution, but isn’t that what we pay public officials for?

Dude…Where’s My Car?

Ok for those of you who didn’t read the story in the PD, here’s the gist of it:

A guy brings his $100,000 BMW to Prestige Imports in Santa Rosa for some warranty work. They later call him and say that he needs to put some more miles on the car and bring it back for them to properly diagnose/fix said problem. So he tells one of the guys in the service department, “YOU drive the car”.

Here is where the stories differ. Owner says he told the serviceman to drive it and take care of it since it was Easter weekend. Prestige says the guy told the serviceman to take the car HOME for the weekend and drive it as he wished.

Long story short? Police find the car crashed near Apple Valley and no driver to be found. They contact the owner who says he thinks his car is still at the dealership. Hilarity ensues…

Now of course, he wants Prestige to pay off the lease and get him a new car. Prestige fired their employee but says that the owner showed poor judgement in letting the guy take the car…But wait, he didn’t let him take the car…Or DID he?

I can’t really put my 2 cents in until the truth comes out. But at this point, as out of character as it may sound, I’m siding with the driver on this one. REGARDLESS, this guy represented the dealership and a car owner should be able to trust who they bought their car from (especially a$100k car). Prestige should save some face and have their insurance handle this. Otherwise they’ll end up with EGG on their face from bad press.

Better question, what do YOU think?

“LoLz” @ Sebastopol

No, not laughing at the entire city. Just at the crackpot hippy who made a petition to stop Sonicnet from installing FREE Wi-Fi for downtown Sebastopol. And even worse, the 500 morons who signed it. The chick who made it says she’s “sensitive to electricity”. Well I’m sensitive to women who don’t shave their pits and smell of b.o. and patchouli oil. These people would rather disregard science and trust their “intuition” which has obviously been tainted by years of LSD use and a tree bark diet. Here a company is trying to give to the community and they get shot down over NOTHING! What adds insult to injury is that it was initially approved, but retracted by car keying, DUI drivin’ councilwoman Linda Kelley. I hope Sonicnet prevails, but I’m sure if they do, they’ll be called homophobic for going against Linda “The Lush”.

Let The Bodies Hit The Floor!!!

Chalk another one up to the Rohnert Park Police Department! I think the official score is now RPPD: ALOT – Unarmed Citizens: 0

For the Whine Cuntry tourists, here’s a tip: Don’t get into an escalated situation in Rohnert Park unless you want to get shot in the face and/or chesticles.

For such a small town with a low crime rate, the police there sure do like to kill people. I guess it’s the fact that they only get paid about 100k a year. That would send ANY lawman into a murderous rage.